Never forget!

What great shame I have brought to your name God
Manifestation of a heart true to the flesh that its bound in
Corrupted and broken, bleeding out... barely beating
I groan as the life I try to control cries for intervention

I have not a thing to offer, not a penny for barter
What worth could you find in this wretched selfish martyr
I have died for nothing, despite all my positions
My dreams of your favor, spread out like a puzzle

Here, unnerved and left teetering
Just a breeze I beleive, would set in motion my fleeting
My hands are set, yet my grip is descending
I have been here before, now what came of the ending?

Redeemed by my Lord, Father, when my strength was found wanting
A life in Your hands, less control than I wanted
"Sanctuary!" my flesh pleads, in need of great mending.
I procure refuge in you Lord, for I have remebered the ending!

jhd 9-2-09

probably nonsense.. just sat down and started typing

What is it that I am trying to do by reading more? Am I trying to compensate for something I think I am lacking by trying to acquire more knowledge? Sometimes I don’t get myself! Shouldn’t you always “get” yourself? I sure would like to find my determination and focus to take this to the next step… To be a life student and truly finish this half thing I have started. I have so many interests that I have lost focus. I make plans to plan instead of planning. I am sometimes too random for my own good. I think I define who I am sometimes by the level of spontaneity and “differentness” that I can achieve. That’s crap! I mean, being different and unique is a good and healthy thing. However, in being unique I place myself in a stereotype of people who are trying to be just that… unique, therefore making myself in a way… Normal. I feel so lazy sometimes yet I am always doing something like work, school, and helping others with computer issues, church, making music, etc…

I understand why some people read though. It’s the same base reason I get on the computer, or used to get so involved into games. To disconnect! To unplug from reality that is our lives. I don’t play games online like I used too. Don’t get me wrong, I still love them and can get caught up in them, but I have set limits on time and such now. Growing up I never had games, no Nintendo, Sega, Playstation… none of that! Just the computer. I kept spending way too much time with them that everything in my life was neglected. I took on a character and fake persona that was all me, but not reality. No wonder that is so appealing to people. You can waste you life away doing that in whatever form it takes for you, books, games, relationships, etc… Trying to be someone you’re not.

*(that last thought (relationships/being someone you’re not) sparked the thing below)

Seemingly perfect was the sound of it
to chase after the unapproachable
Remain calm, play it cool, show yourself
Make character sacrifices for the appearance of compromise.

The author of my thoughts acting like it spoke another language.
Speech, mannerisms, likes, etc…
She was different and so you became…
You transformed to a mere shadow of yourself, concealed and a lie.

Pure attentiveness and actions would not do you justice
“Chemistry needed” read the invisible sign around your neck.
How do you have growth and blossoms with no sun or water?
How can we ignite when the fuel to our flame is under lock and key of your mind?

I am drowning; the wick of my soul is drenched.
Alas, the wind of change comes to dry it up.
How long I have wanted to burn.
Again and again the wind blows

I need shelter, how else will I cultivate the flame once it burns
Will I let the blaze from it melt away my guise?
How can I control something I have never been able to before?
Can intellect? Can logic? Will it overtake me?

I feel at times, not even the flame could take down what I have started.
How can one of life’s greatest disasters burn everything in its path and miss me?

In contrast, I feel exactly opposite of the house not hit by the raging tornado.
Everyone and everything consumed, but I am left standing.
Its destruction would be welcomed, if only to be able to feel its power!
I have no hope for that, only to masquerade as the tornado for someone else.

(this kinda lost focus to me, I may revisit it later. It just came to me as I was typing and I posted it)

The Plight of Man

Nervousness produces quicksand in my mind
What right do I possess to inquire of you?
I fight to relinquish this tensions grip
How mysterious and complex is the entangled mind...

I feel alive, yet comatose at the thought of you,
Your draw on me is like the weight of gravity
My thoughts get saturated with exquisite dreams of hope
I chase after, to try and decipher the cascade of possibilities

I long for the seemingly eternal conversations
A melding of minds, like the most elegant of dances
So complementary, its form would be without shadow.

How is it that I hunger for you so quickly?
What about you excavates my dormant thoughts and hidden boundaries
Afraid, knowing that knowledge of you would keep me a student
And yet, I approach... with nothing more than a smile to go on.

jdimsdle (7-23-09)

I actually sent this as a message to a wonderful teacher I know and thought I could chop it up and spit it back to you guys who might read this and get your thoughts...

I was reading this today and for some reason teaching/teachers came to mind. It was weird, but this verse took on a whole new form for me in several different areas. Read the verses below and I will explain myself.


1 Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves.

2 Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification.

3 For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written,
"THE REPROACHES OF THOSE WHO REPROACHED YOU FELL ON ME."

4 For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.


You see, this might sound simple to you, but for me It behooved me to look at this as best I could through a teachers eyes.

We who are strong, bearing the weakness of others... that's in relation to the knowledge and strength of teachers vs the mental clay of students. Added with the fact that you do it not for you, but for hopefully for them, and for our future society. And please his neighbor for his good.. same thing. To build them up

and then in 3, "the reproaches of others fell on him". I viewed this in relations to "TAKS test" and scores, etc. All the stress and pressure that is put on the teachers to have their class, their schools do well. That inevitably falls on you guys and without knowingly points and accusal of not being a good enough teacher, even though its not the case at all! (most of the time) The reproach coming from the district, principals, parents, etc... ends up with the weight of it all on the shoulders of those who have a big enough burden to carry. It falls on you.

and 4. It all boils down to this... "Whatever was written in earlier times was for our instruction." The time spent planning, the curriculum, workbooks, textbooks, etc... "so that through perseverance and encouragement of and through those things that the students might have hope". Hope in a better life, Hope for a stronger self confidence when they do well, Hope for someone caring about them if them might not be getting the it at home. The list could go on and on of the hope that can be provided by someone who is given a chance to succeed.

You teachers have such a huge task, and a huge burden to bear. At the end of all of it you provide Hope! That is what I think bible was revealing to me today. Something that we were given so long ago and didn't deserve it. We were given a chance at a better life, a chance to succeed when everything in this would would try to keep us from that. I have no doubt that you are giving your students, past and present all the hope that you can, even when sometimes they seemingly don't deserve it.

Just thought I could encourage you teachers/educators out there a little bit.
Hopefully this wasn't too elementary a read for you.

Heath